The Science of Positive Self-Talk
I’m guessing you’ve heard of morning affirmations, and why it’s important to “think positively”. But let’s be honest… it can feel ridiculous talking to yourself in the mirror.
But have you ever really stopped to notice the things you’re saying to yourself? Are they things you would say to a friend? If not, you could be thinking “yeah, okay, I get it…” as you read this. (To be honest, I can relate.)
So why is positive self-talk so important? It may (or may not) come as a shock, but there is extensive scientific research across multiple studies on the psychology of positive self-talk.
A few highlights of these studies* include:
1. Positive self-talk can increase self-esteem, confidence and motivation.
2. It can decrease stress, anxiety and negative thought patterns.
3. Positive self-talk can change neural pathways in the brain and improve overall mood.
4. It can enhance performance in various domains, including sports and academics.
Reduced anxiety, better overall mood, enhanced performance in my profession, decreased stress & more confidence? Alright, it’s time to start talking in the mirror.
If you’re not quite there yet, here’s an exercise I like to offer up during healing sessions. It’s great to do with a friend, but you can also do the exercise on your own:
1. Write down 3-4 negative things you’ve been saying to yourself lately. It can be whatever comes to mind.
a. Ie; You’re lazy
b. You can do do better
c. If you did xyz you would be more likeable
d. Note: These examples are provided to provide additional context later in the exercise; use your own thoughts & beliefs for this exercise.
2. Read [if you’re with a friend] these statements out loud to your friend, as if you were talking to them. [If you’re alone,] read these statements out loud and imagine you were talking to a very close friend.
3. Pause. What feelings come up for you as you say these things? How do you imagine your friend feels hearing them? Even if their circumstances were the same as yours… are these statements something you would believe to be true about your friend?
4. Rewrite. This exercise can often bring up false beliefs we have about ourselves. What are some things you can say instead?
a. Ie; You’ve had a lot going on, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed & maybe your body is asking for a break.
b. You’re doing better than you think you are… look at all you’ve accomplished!
c. You are worthy of love just as you are.
d. I love you no matter what.
I wrote down a few things I’ve been saying to myself and when I tried reading them out loud to a friend… I realized I was being so. damn. mean to myself. I would run so far from any “friend” who spoke to me like that. I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has experienced this - but somehow, we excuse the rudeness when it’s things we’re saying to ourselves.
Learning to *truly* dive into self-care and doing the often difficult work that’s involved doesn’t always feel natural. It isn’t always easy. Maybe the most important thing to note: it’s rarely linear.
While it would be amazing to go through one therapy session, one reiki healing, have one phone call with a friend and feel *poof* HEALED! FOREVER POSITIVE & HAPPY!
…The reality of life is that we’ll always have ups & downs, ebbs & flows. It can feel disheartening to feel like you’re at a low when you already worked through [your anxiety/depression/a tough situation], and trust me – I understand that. I’ve felt that.
But here are three things I know to be true:
I’ve gotten through it before. I’ll get through it again. (So have you, and so will you!)
If you think about an electrocardiogram (or the line of a heartbeat), it has to dip down in order to rise back up. If you were experiencing only the highs of life, your EKG – or lifeline – would be flat. In medical terms, this signals a flat line – signifying no sign of life. Experiencing those “lows” in life, while often unenjoyable, are a natural part of being alive.
After every dip comes a peak. Just as seasons change, waves ebb & flow – any heavy emotions you’re experiencing won’t last forever.
Lastly – while I can confirm it does feel ridiculous to talk to yourself in the mirror, it can also be incredibly powerful. I encourage you to try it and let yourself laugh as how ridiculous it feels when doing so. But continue practicing positive self-talk in [and away from] the mirror, and you’ll eventually start to realize why this thing [that you annoyingly hear so many people talk about] can be so helpful.
*Sources for studies cited:
Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. New York, NY: W. H. Freeman.
Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.
Leary, M. R., Tate, E. B., Adams, C. E., Allen, A. B., & Hancock, J. (2007). Self-compassion and reactions to unpleasant self-relevant events: The implications of treating oneself kindly. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(5), 887-904.
Kross, E., Bruehlman-Senecal, E., Park, J., Burson, A., Dougherty, A., Shablack, H., ... & Jonides, J. (2014). Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: How you do it matters. Frontiers in psychology, 5, 1130.
Gotink, R. A., Meijboom, R., Vernooij-Dassen, M. J., van der Feltz-Cornelis, C. M., van Marwijk, H. W., & van Tulder, M. W. (2015). Mindfulness-based interventions in primary care: An overview of systematic reviews. Family Practice, 32(4), 313-322.
Fox, K. C., Nijeboer, S., Dixon, M. L., Floman, J. L., Ellamil, M., Rumak, S. P., ... & Travis, F. (2014). Is meditation associated with altered brain structure? A systematic review and meta-analysis of morphometric neuroimaging in meditation practitioners. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 43, 48-73.
Hausenblas, H. A., & Fallon, E. A. (2006). Exercise and self-esteem: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Sport & Exercise Psychology, 28(3), 239-252.
Pekrun, R., Elliot, A. J., Maier, M. A., & Mangun, G. R. (2009). Achievement goals and discrete achievement emotions: A theoretical model and prospective test. Journal of Educational Psychology, 101(1), 19-48.